So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
