I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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