Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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