I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
