I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
