I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
