quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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