I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
