Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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