First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
