just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
