i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
