Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
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My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
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I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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