i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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