He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
