I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
