More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I need to wash the frat house off of me
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
