I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
