I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
