Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Randomize
