lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
