you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
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