WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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