The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
