If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
