He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
