My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
