those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
