Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
