you're like a bully in the Christmas story
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
