true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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