I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
