dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
