also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
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I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
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Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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