Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize