the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
