he thought i was a dude.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
