I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
