All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
