But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Found the puke drawer
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
