i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
