I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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