had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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