i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
