TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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