my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
