I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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