just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
