thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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