I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
