i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
