there's paper in my vomit.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
