Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
