either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
