I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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