If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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