R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
