I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
