yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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