Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
His nipple licking is glorious
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