What did we do last night that was yellow?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
