You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I wish you could order shots online.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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