i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
