when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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