we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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